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Holidays are often a time of extended family getting together and catching up on life. This can be wonderful and it can be very stressful. There are many different things about the holidays that can trigger and worsen gender dysphoria. Below are examples of a variety of different things that could potentially be challenging. If you are someone struggling with gender dysphoria, then this is for you. Also if you are a parent of a child struggling with gender dysphoria then here are some things to think about and look out for. Perhaps you could talk about these things with your child before family gatherings.
What should parents do when their teen struggling with gender dysphoria and high anxiety ends up missing a lot of school? Getting up in the morning and taking on a full day of responsibilities can be daunting and overwhelming for them. The idea of rolling out of their safe, warm, protected bed to face a day full of socializing, learning, and participating can be too much (especially when they know they have limits and pushing those limits could result in a panic attack). The idea of having a panic attack in school is so mortifying that just the idea of it can make them want to stay home.
It’s common in todays culture to be told: “Be yourself!” “Be you!” “Just do you!” But what do you do if you don’t know who you are yet!?!? Identity development is a life long journey. It’s okay to not know who you are yet. It takes time and experimenting to figure out what fits you and what doesn’t fit. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Especially if you are an adolescent exploring the deep and complex concept of gender.
Anxiety and low self esteem are common struggles for people dealing with gender identity pains. Everyone needs some alone time to recover, cope, and relax; however, when alone time goes too far it can turn into a dark, lonely, and painful experience. How can something so vital to our rest and recovery also be so triggering?
It’s that time of year! School is starting up again. The anticipation of school stress can bring up a lot of questions and concerns for students with gender dysphoria. Will my teachers call me by the right name and pronouns? Will there be any other kids with gender dysphoria or will I be the only one? How will I handle the huge crowds with my social anxiety?
Our culture continually tries to assign what it means to be masculine or feminine. Unfortunately they often define it in harmful ways by putting people in boxes. Gender stereotypes are usually harmful and wrong. Masculinity and Femininity are aspects of identity that everyone has a relationship with. The more our culture breaks down the harmful stereotypes, the more we’ll be able to freely be ourselves.
Life can be hard and we all need skills to cope (especially when anxiety starts affecting everything in our life). Gender Dysphoria is especially hard to cope with. I get asked all the time for help in learning new coping skills. What I say is, “Coping is really a lifestyle, and we have to create a lifestyle of coping.” This means we need things with us at all times that we can go to whenever anxiety or distress hits!
When someone has established and built up self-esteem it becomes a foundation to handle all bad things in life. If the foundation is built solid then a person can make mistakes and they are still okay. A person can mess up, hurt someone, or handle someone being angry at them. Because at the end of the day they can handle a little guilt and remorse because they know that they are still good, loved, and valuable at their foundation.
For a parent who has never experienced gender dysphoria themselves, sitting down and talking with their child about gender can be confusing and scary. Parents want to be supportive of their child, but this is hard to understand. First of all, it’s okay if you don’t understand gender dysphoria right now. The most important thing is to approach the subject with your child with interest and curiosity. We recommend asking a few of the questions below, and then just listen.