Stories

Does This Sound Familiar?

Ashley finds herself lying in bed in the morning unable to get up. The anxiety of facing the day is overwhelming. She wonders silently to herself, “Do I have to go to school? What if people look at me with disgust? What if I’m put on the spot and everyone looks at me?!?”

She just can’t do it today… Her parents will be mad (which only makes her more anxious), but they don’t understand how bad this feels.

No one understands…

Ashley’s not exactly sure when it all started, but she’s always hated wearing dresses. She frequently feels left out of the activities she would enjoy because they’re considered masculine. Girls around her are treated like they’re weak and she hates that.

When middle school hit, people were brutally mean to her. The bullying was so bad she started crying at night and cutting herself to feel better.

But it didn’t help. Instead the loneliness got worse and worse.

All she wants is to feel confident and bold. She wishes she could fearlessly make friends or handle it better if people are mad at her.  Instead, she gets panic attacks and hates on herself. You should hear it… She is so mean to herself. She constantly tells herself how much of a failure she is and questions everything she does and says.

She never truly feels at peace.

Her body and her gender are a big part of the problem. She hates the feminine aspects of her body. She wants nothing more than just to hide them completely. She decided to share with her friends that she is non-binary and for some reason it feels great when they use male pronouns!

She’s scared to talk about it with her family because she cares so much about what they think of her and she’s unsure if she could handle the rejection.

It would be too much…

When she dresses masculine and her friends call her by a male nickname, she finally feels some confidence growing inside. She even dyed her hair neon green, which really boosted her self-esteem! All her friends love it and she get compliments all the time. She decides she needs to become more male to feel better… 

At the Gender Identity Center we understand this struggle so well. We hear it everyday and we know how to help. Ashley is not a real client but a combination of stories that come to us. The young people that get help with us leave feeling that confidence that they want so badly. Our clients tell us that therapy truly helps them! They report less panic attacks, less self-harm, less loneliness and more empathy for themselves. They also learn how to communicate with parents in a way that brings you closer to them. Don’t suffer alone anymore. We have a whole community of people just like you here at G.I.C. We can get you to that confident self you dream about. Talk to your guardian today about signing up for an appointment!

For Parents…

Below is an example of parents we work with every day. Kelly is not a real parent but represents many case studies. Read along and see if you find yourself relating to Kelly:

Kelly’s daughter recently came to her and said, “I don’t want to be female any more. Instead, I want you to start calling me by a boy’s name and use They/Them pronouns.”

A mix of emotions rushes over Kelly.

Fear is the first emotion. This is scary and unknown. She’s never questioned her own gender and the fact that her daughter is wrestling with this doesn’t make sense. Then anger bubbles up in Kelly and she wonders, “Maybe my daughter has been affected by bad influences in her school?”

She continues to rack her brain for all the possible reasons this is happening.

Kelly ultimately decides she wants to love and support her daughter so she tries to respond well, but she stumbles through the wrong pronouns and her daughter gets triggered into an emotional breakdown. Kelly tries to voice acceptance but she finds herself lying in bed at night feeling sad that she can’t reach her child.

She feels like she is losing the daughter that she’s raised for 13 years. Kelly always thought she would help her daughter pick out a prom dress, but now she might have a son that requires a tuxedo. This is all so hard to process. She concludes that this is just a phase that’ll pass soon enough. Her daughter can’t truly be transgender; after all, they still wear pink sometimes, right?

More than anything, Kelly just wants to do what is right for her child.

The problem is that Kelly’s child doesn’t seem happy either! They’re filled with social anxiety, isolated on their phone all day, and they are using self-harm to cope. As much as Kelly tries everything she can think of, nothing seems to help. Her daughter keeps shutting down and shutting her out. They need help and so does Kelly.

This journey can be complicated and confusing, but it doesn’t have to be. We can bring clarity and understanding to all parties involved. We’ll help you find a way to show your unwavering love and support to your child while still being able to voice your concerns and conflicting values in a respectful way.

It is possible to figure out where this change is coming from and how to work together through it. It’s also possible to communicate all of these feelings to your child and have them tell you how they are feeling in return.

Therapy will help your child communicate with you better. It also helps them be more composed and handle stress in a healthy and safe way (instead of self-harm or panic attacks). Starting this process in therapy can be hard, but the difference is night and day. Don’t lay awake at night helplessly worrying about the safety and future of your child. You have a choice to begin creating a deep, meaningful bond with your child, and we’ll help you start that process.

You can click here to schedule an appointment today, or call us at 480-349-3671 for a free phone consultation to learn more about the process.

Potential FAQ Question:

#1 Parent concern:

Parents often call us and say: “If my child is truely transgender then I will fully support them and do whatever we need to do to help them in that journey, however, we don’t know if they are truely transgender yet and we need a professional to help us explore this and explore all other possible influences before moving forward in confidence. However, we don’t want that professional to push them in a certain direction.” The next question is: “Do we at GIC try to influence people in one direction? Do we push people to accept being transgender? Or do we try to push people to accept the sex they were born with?” These are all very valid concerns and good questions, especially when handling such a politically and culturally controversial topic. Our answer is, we will always do our best to be as unbiased as possible and accepting of any choice the client makes. We fully believe that each individual is different and unique and we are not here to push in a direction but to give the client space to explore all options, to understand themsevles as best as possible, and to help them figure out and decide who they are and what is best for them. This is challenging but we do our best to not push anyone in a biased direction. Our goals is always to empower the client to make educated choices for themselves. We also welcome open discussion with parents throughout the process.